my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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