You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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