You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
