i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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