I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
