I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
