The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
