This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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