yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
