hell yes lets make some ravioli
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
