We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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