I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
