if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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