Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
