haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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