Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
