I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
