at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
