i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
