I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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