Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
