apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
