he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
