I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
