Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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