Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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