he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
