margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
pop tarts are not kleenex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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