We named our party play list daddy issues
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
