Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
