I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
