my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
