Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
