They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
