I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
