fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
