Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
