I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
