she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
