PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
