She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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