Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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