I got chris browned last night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
