Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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