I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
