ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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