...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
