I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
