You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He better not be in your backpack
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
