are you still at the devil's house?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
