It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
