yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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