You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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